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Article Published on: 17TH MAR 2023 |


"It was time to heal. I had to stop creating a life that I could not live. It was time for the pain and suffering to stop. There was too much pain. I will die if the pain continues. Why does my life keep ending up in the same place? Abusive marriages, divorces, lawyers, legal suits - people in my life that had alcoholism, mental illness, and abusive behavior, all telling me that I am the problem. Why did I keep creating and recreating everything I did not want and vowed not to have in my life? In the process of healing - soul searching - reading books - discussing - studying - therapy; seemingly insignificant scenes from my childhood kept entering my mind.

The scenes were overpowering me, forcing me to look at and relive the feelings that I was having at the time. I began writing down the stories and discovered very meaningful messages that I was given as a child, messages that imprinted me and shaped my life's existence. These scenes and the feelings they created caused me to experience a repetitive pattern. It did not matter if the imprints were intended to create this pattern, only that it was the pattern it created in me. Until I was genuinely ready and able to look at my imprints and beliefs, where they came from and release them - the pattern would remain." Negative imprints, beliefs, thinking and emotions cause a great deal of mental, emotional, and physical distress. Negative thoughts and worry sink deep and can control your life. There is power in how you perceive your past, your relation to it, and your world. Awareness of how your past affects and guides will help stop the vicious cycle. 'Daddy Throws Me In The Air' is a journey from childhood memories to awareness. It includes a process to assist in releasing negative imprints and beliefs.

In this retrospective book about her life, author Ayn Dillard unabashedly shares her life experiences with her readers. Growing up in a home with alcoholism, mental illness, and continual criticism, there was a myriad of negative influences on her psyche. In this excellent self-help book, Dillard gives her readers tools to shed resistant and negative life patterns as she was able to do, allowing her readers to release their constricted inner selves and become free. Ayn says, "I love to write, but most importantly, through my book, I want to bring to light self-awareness through a process of how we can release limiting imprints and negative beliefs that familial and life experiences may leave upon us, in order that we are able to live a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life."




Ayn Dillard writes about her childhood experiences in a way that brought back images and caused me to relive events of my own childhood. She writes about "abusive marriages, divorces, lawyers, legal suits - people in her life that had alcoholism and, mental illness". I have also experienced these situations, and have conversed and written about street people whose lives were adversely affected by an unhealthy childhood that lead to unhealthy adulthood. In addition to this being a compelling memoir, Ayn writes about how she recovered from these negative imprints and how others can do the same. To a certain extent, we are the result of our past if we allow that to control our lives. On the other hand, we do not have to be defined by what has previously happened to us. Ayn Dillard describes how "Awareness of how your past affects and guides will help stop the vicious cycle." This is an important and very readable book for self-discovery. Highly recommend it.

DENNIS CARDIFF (Reviewed in Canada).

As others have noted this book will cause flashbacks not just to your own childhood but those flashbacks include specific times when raising my own children (3 girls and a boy). These flashbacks have caused additional reflections. It is good to re-examine one’s own life and the impacts we’ve had on others. It’s a healthy exercise. My overall takeaway focused on the struggles with mental illness discussed in several chapters and how that struggle can magnify dysfunction inside the family. Mental illness is real and should never be hidden, ignored, placated, or treated in the primitive methods (perhaps they weren’t seen as such at the time) described in this read. I could have done without the constant reminders about how much money the family had but it is important to note that difficulties like the ones expressed in this book can impact all of us, no matter how much money or power we may have. Ayn showed great courage in putting her life out there for all of us to see and learn from.

JOHN GOODLAND (Reviewed in the United States).

IS NOT JUST AND OTHER BOOK, is one of the tallest trees in a forest of books because is about real life, a book that can help men, women, and families to understand each better and develop more solid, happy, and lasting relationships. Some people may cry reading this book because have the power to touch the deepest part of the human soul.

AMAZON CUSTOMER (Reviewed in the United States).


Ayn Dillard has experienced much in her life prompting much self-reflection. She is a self-proclaimed know-it-all and loves sharing what she has experienced and learned with others. She acknowledges that just when you think you have something figured out, or even in that magical moment when you think that you ‘get’ it or even know-it-all – your inner or outer world will change or shift to make you – even force you – to become more aware. So that you are able to realize growth and expand – to become more than you ever thought possible. It’s life’s grandest journey and an amazing process – if you are aware and allow it to occur.

She is a former ballet dancer and former interior designer – primarily in art and antiques. She enjoys cooking, physical fitness, and, all creative endeavors; such as writing, movies, the performing arts, artwork, and design. When you become more and more aware by self-reflection and process all your emotions as they arise and as is appropriate – you will feel younger, happier, and more full of life than ever before. But first, you must become aware of what you are feeling and why?

Ayn takes the reader on an enlightening and transforming journey. She articulates a message of self-awareness and strength that stems from an independent and determined mindset. Ayn says, “I love to write, but most importantly, through my book, I want to bring to light self-awareness through a process of how we can release limiting imprints and negative beliefs that familial and life experiences may leave upon us, in order that we are able to live a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life – a life of awareness, healing, and choice. When we have pain, we can either run towards and through it or away from it. At times, we need to run towards it to arrive at release and healing – other times, to step away. It takes awareness to know which will best serve us."

“Difficulties exist only so that in overcoming them, we may grow strong. Only those who have suffered and overcome are able to help others.” Ayn Dillard



Read Author AYN DILLARD's interview with DE MODE & about her upcoming books in the JAN-FEB-MAR 2023 GLOBAL ISSUE (MAGAZINE).

Download/Order the full issue here.


Q: How do you handle writer's block?

A. I have never had writer's block. Throughout my writing career, I have been fortunate enough to never encounter the common obstacle of writer's block, which can hinder creativity and limit productivity. I am grateful for this advantage and strive to continue writing without the impediment of this challenge.

Q: What is the most difficult part of your writing process?

A. I get lost in memories along with the insights and awarenesses gleaned. When reflecting on my experiences, I often find myself getting lost in memories, allowing myself to fully immerse in the moments that have shaped me. As I do so, I also gain valuable insights and awarenesses that have helped me to grow and evolve over time. These reflections are not simply a form of reminiscing; they serve as a tool for self-discovery and personal development. By taking the time to delve into my past and connect with my inner self, I can gain a better understanding of who I am and where I want to go in life.

Q: What came first to you — the plot or the characters — and why?

A. I write non-fiction - but do change the names of real-life people.

Q: In your book, which part of the story is your favorite?

A. I love most the awarenesses - insights and healing in my books along with the walk down memory lane.

Q: What was the inspiration for the story?

A. My life experiences are my inspirations. The multitude of experiences that I have encountered throughout my life, whether positive or negative, has served as a constant source of inspiration for me. These experiences have provided me with valuable insights and lessons, shaping my perspectives and guiding me toward personal growth and development. It is from these experiences that I draw inspiration, both in my personal and professional pursuits.

Q: What is the significance of the title?

A. The title DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR is from a memory I had at three years old.

Q: What do you hope your readers take away from this book?

A. Readers will gain awareness - healing & insight into self. Part 4 is tools and a process to be used to identify and release feelings & emotions that can be used always. By reading Part 4 of the material, readers will not only gain awareness and insight into themselves but also find healing. The section provides various tools and a step-by-step process to help identify and release deeply held feelings and emotions, leading to greater emotional intelligence and well-being.

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